11/16/25 written & posted

Forced myself to go to the café and write this on ~3hrs of sleep. Instead of just vegging out for the entire day which is what I typically would have done. I was puppy/house sitting this weekend and it was busier than expected. I had several ideas and plans in my head to do with the puppers, like a fun photo shoot and taking her to the store so she can pick out a toy. None of those happened. Just trying to make sure she didn’t soil the house was a full-time job. She went outside more than inside, so I’m taking that as a win. Since the puppers drained a lot of my energy, this post isn’t going to be as lengthy as the others.

Focus is what I’ve been lacking the past 2-3 weeks. I had this multi-layered avalanche of thought, but now I’m struggling to focus on specific aspects. Part of the problem is returning to my day job. Although my job isn’t hectic or challenging, I still need to remain mentally engaged for 9hrs. I wonder if my job being more annoying than hard is somehow even more draining than if I was actually engaged throughout the day.

Another primary problem is my intake of THC products. I’ve been abusing these products almost daily for the past decade, legally of course. It’s by far my primary vice. I don’t drink a lot of alcohol, only 1-3 at family gatherings, but not when I’m alone anymore. I’ve never been a big drinker, and between getting older and the antidepressants the hangovers are not even close to worth it. But THC doesn’t have those same side effects, and any habitual user could tell you being functionally high isn’t very difficult, just squeeze in some eye drops. Before I continue, don’t get it twisted, I still think THC is far superior to alcohol as a recreational drug. A vast slew of statistics and anecdotal evidence proves it. Prohibition propaganda and lobbying is the only reason American society has thought otherwise.

            I’d classify myself as a THC advocate, but I can also realize that I’ve been abusing it in an unhealthy way. I have the type of personality with very little self-control when I’m alone, which is the vast majority of the time. If I have it available to me, I’ll use it. It’s exactly the same with junk food, if it’s in the apartment I’ll scarf it all down. If I have a THC pen in the apartment, I’ll hit that thing all day. So, the only way to stop is to simply not have it in the apartment. Sounds easy enough, but with addictions it never is. Every car ride is a test, which I’ve recently been failing.

I’ve taken weeks/months long breaks before. However, those would be classified more as tolerance breaks than true attempts to curb the habit. Now is finally the time to make true changes. So, I’m writing this into the ether, in hopes that my public journal will have some aiding effect, keeping me on track. I’ll only partake in THC on the weekends and only in the form of edibles. I need to treat this as a sort of second job and the THC cloud is inhibiting that. I used to think that there wasn’t much difference in my temperament high vs sober. But now, with the help of the antidepressants and bibliotherapy I better understand my moods and feelings in the moment. Being high might quiet some of my intrusive thoughts but also makes some of my negative emotions more volatile.

I’ve still been progressing forward since beginning this journey about a month ago. Just not at the same pace as I began, which is fine. But I want to be better, so if anyone actually reads this, expect more posts here and on my socials this week!

Be well, be intentional, and make something,

Uncle Dump